To all a Merry Christmas and Happy New year. I always find myself learning so much when I am away from it all. I know that it is good to "fight the good fight" but even the best of warriors need some down time. but se la vie (if that is how you spell it) I am home and am making the hardest and biggest decision of my life. I thought that choosing a college was the biggest thing, but I was wrong. I can in with notions that I could be the best teacher in the music world and that I could teach anyone to sing or at least be better than those who had taught me. No slanders to my teachers but you always want your students to surpass you...right! what ever. any way I came in with these big dreams or teaching and finding life long, sold out friends, and maybe even the guy who will be the Cinnimine creamer to my Starbucks darkroast coffee. But those were just dreams where did I go wrong. Are we not told that we as Christians have a longing in our heart and have desires b/c God longs to love us and meet those desires. I have thought about this teaching long and hard for a long time. And one thing that I realized is that is says that he will meet those desires as it is in his will. So maybe life isen't a total loss and I don't have to feel like I let God down. It just wasen't in his will for me to teach.And when it comes to that Amazing cup of coffee...I will just have to drink my coffee black for a while until God puts me in the right coffee shop at the right time(and that is not at KCU!!!:) ) But I am ok with the man thing. Its My career that I am struggling with. I am not ruling out the possibility that it is not in his will for me to teach NOW maybe I have to wait. And that is ok. I feel a peace about not persuing that degree anymore. When I really think about it and prayed about it, I would not be happy or as affectivly used in a public school system. I would be limited in the way that I could talk to my students about life and I would be stuck in one place for a long time(more than 10 yrs) and I just don't believe that I could live that life. I know that I have a connection with kids but I want to impact and inspire rather than just connect. Plus I would have to get up really early every day and I don't really like that idea.: ) But I know that the Lord is calling me and oh has he been. I just don't know what to answer when I pick up the "ringing" telephone. but again I don't feel like God has ever used the phone to call me ... I think that he more like texts me over and over and over again and if I don't answer him then he will keep texting me until he runs my bill up. Meaning that I wait to long to listen to God and I listen to everyone else until I mess up royally and God is like ok Terin what is this bill that you have. And it is so sad but the only thing that can take away my bill, that can pay it in full is,Christs blood. Pretty dumb word play but it makes sence to me . In plain english... I mess up sometimes(usually big time) and I have a huge dept to pay but God already payed it for me/ I just have to accept it. I have not givin my life to the creator of my life, the one who made the grass that I love to lay in and look at the beautiful stars at night that(by the way) he also had placed in the heavens. I will answer his call. I can't live my live by "ignoring texts" and "running up bills" So what am i going to do with my life? Idon't know...but I know that for now I am going to listen. | 
